Winston's Wish
Adam and Billy, both aged 11
Eleven-year-old twin boys, Adam and Billy were supported by Winston’s Wish after the suicide of their older sister Lilly, age 17. Lilly died by jumping in front of a train. The boys’ dad contacted the Helpline as he was concerned that they were bottling up their feelings, displaying violent behaviour towards each other and blaming themselves for their sister’s death.
A Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker started support sessions with the whole family via Zoom, initially to gain an understanding of what the twins understood about Lilly’s death. Over several sessions, Mum and Dad felt able to share the underlying factors that surrounded Lilly’s death.
This included her ongoing struggle with mental health and how she had made a previous suicide attempt the year before. This helped the boys see that it was part of a bigger story than their sister ending her life, not just down to the one family argument that took place immediately before she died.
Both boys had been involved in a lot of conflict with friends and peers at school and also with one another. Further sessions focussed on exploring feelings and thoughts and how they can manifest in our bodies, such as anger, guilt, sadness and frustration. This had the effect of normalising these complicated emotions and helping the family break down barriers to understand each other’s grieving better. The outcomes of this session then informed further work on coping strategies and how they can look after themselves and each other.
The boys each received a Memory Box from Winston’s Wish in the post to fill, as the final sessions focused on their special memories of Lilly and celebrating her life. Items that may be used to fill the box include photos, writing out special memories, a favourite item of clothing, perfume or aftershave and voice and video recordings, alongside other personal items.
After the sessions, the two boys had a better understanding of what had happened and how to talk about the fact that their sister had died by suicide without feeling ashamed or guilty. Although they often experienced similar thoughts and feelings throughout their lives as twins, they were both coping with their grief very differently.
Adam was able to sleep better as the sessions went on, and Billy was doing better at school. They understood that they were not to blame for their sisters’ death and nor
were their parents. They also identified some positive outlets and ways to express their grief and they were having fewer physical arguments with each other. They started to be more considerate to each other’s feelings. By the end of the work, the family were now able to enter and spend time in Lilly’s bedroom although this was still very difficult.
"You have helped us go beyond thinking about how Lilly died to being able to think about who she was as a person.”
“Thank you for talking to us both about our sister, it’s brought us closer as a family and it’s been a really big help to hear how each other are feeling, it’s been really important.”
"I want my brother to know, really know you know? That I am here for him, and that he can just tell me if he is having a tough time."
Eddie, aged 13
Eddie was just two years old when his mum Liz died of cervical cancer. His dad, Barry explains in his own words:
“I first called Winston’s Wish before Liz died. We decided to phone the Helpline together to get some advice on how to help Eddie as he would grow up.”
Eddie is now 13 and Barry has used the Winston’s Wish Helpline and resources multiple times throughout the years.
“As a single parent, it’s reassuring to know that Winston’s Wish is there for us. Eddie started secondary school a few years back and I could sense he was struggling. He was excited but also anxious. He was worried that he would have to tell all these new people that he didn’t have a mum and that she had died.”
“As he gets older, Eddie has all the questions but sometimes I just don’t have the answers. That’s when Winston’s Wish is a huge help. They can’t bring Liz back but they have reassured him and helped him better understand his feelings and how to cope with them. All of a sudden you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the situation – and they can be a life raft in a whole sea of emotion.”
“When I haven’t known where to turn, Winston’s Wish have always been there...”
Harvey, aged 2
Katie was supported by Winston’s Wish after the tragic death of her brother and sister in law. Katie became the full-time carer for Harvey after both his parents died within two years of each other.
Harvey doesn’t really remember much about his mum at all, who died tragically in a car accident when she was only 29 and Harvey was just 2 years old. Winston’s Wish first met the family at the Frenchay Hospital in Bristol where Harvey’s mum died. Sadly little over a year later, Harvey’s dad was then diagnosed with a terminal illness.
“My brother was then first diagnosed with cancer in 2015. I phoned Winston’s Wish straight away and had advice and guidance over the phone on how best to talk to the children about what was happening and how I could support my brother. He died 9 months after his first diagnosis.”
"My nephew Harvey and my daughter Millie were four years old when he was diagnosed. Winston’s Wish were amazing in giving advice such as how we could talk to the children at their young age. Tips such as giving them simple pieces of information, or not to talk about someone being poorly because if you say poorly, every time someone is ill, they’ll think they are going to die. I look back now and think that was so important.”
Harvey had one to one sessions with a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker and it gave him an opportunity to be completely honest about how he felt and not worry about how it might make another person feel. Katie said that it was really helpful for him to hear about other families and children who were also struggling who have also endured tragic and similar circumstances.
“It is so good to know that Winston’s Wish will be there for Harvey whenever he may need them again as he grows up.”
Winston's Wish real life case studies. Names have been changed and imagery shown is for illustration purposes only.